Lately (in the last couple of months) I've been noticing something I've never noticed before, maybe because I didn't really need to.
Whenever I sew in the morning, my whole day becomes chaotic. Seriously! I get so into it, so involved, so absorbed, everything else looses meaning. Last time I had a project, I actually messed up my working schedule and ended up showing up at a completely different time! And sometimes I get lost on my way there because my mind is so full of ideas and projects and all of that we all know so well!
Today, having two very inspiring, very absorbing projects, I burned my lunch and, as I started looking around, noticed my working table pristinely tidy and everything else around it completely in chaos.
Before, this wasn't really important, when I had Gone Fishing Gift Shop I would wake up to go to work, then come back and sew for hours until I remembered I had to go back for dinner, then return and sew some more until I couldn't use the machine and then I would cut some fabric until my hands hurt. And I loved it!
But now, with two jobs, I have to get up to sew, or I won't be able to finish anything, BUT I have to keep alert so I won't miss my classes and then I'll have to rush off to Ikea, meaning I have to plan everything very tightly or I'll end up forgeting my working clothes or my class plan or something like that.
I think this is the reason I sometimes stop sewing for periods of time, when I'm busier or more concerned with other issues. It's not that I can't find the time to sew, you can always find some time to do it, it's the way it makes me feel, the spacing out, the losing myself in it. When I most need to concentrate, I let go of the pleasure and the serenity that sewing gives me in order to stay focused on what's important and that makes me sad.
I've always known I was an all or nothing type of person, but I wish I could change that, I wish I could do it both and have the best of both worlds.
Is this something I can change? Something I can train my mind to perfect? I hope so!
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